


Shadowsan has an issue with coffee

by TheReaperWithGlasses



Series: One shot wonders [2]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Based on a comedy sketch, Coffee, Gen, No Plot/Plotless, Shadowsan an is an old man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26559448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReaperWithGlasses/pseuds/TheReaperWithGlasses
Summary: Carmen and crew are trying to fix up the base and send shadowsan out for a coffee run but when he gets back he has a few words to say about the coffee industry.
Series: One shot wonders [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924774
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Shadowsan has an issue with coffee

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a Denis Leary sketch and I thought it fit shadowsan pretty well.

It's a normal day at the team red house.

"Good job, soon will have the last of this factory area put away and then we can move up stairs." Said Carmen.  
"Eh I kinda wish they didn't leave all this stuff behind though, sutter's, so many converter belts." Said Zack.  
"Hey look on the bright side when where done we can turn this space into some great a storage." Said Ivy.  
"I found the keys to the upstairs rooms." Signed Mime bomb.*  
"Ah, cool in that case we can get started on that next." Said Carmen   
"Hey when's shadowsan going to be here with the coffee?" Said Zack.

Just as zack is finishing his sentence they hear the door in the main room close and the door in that room opens.  
"Is it impossible to get a cup of coffee flavored coffee anymore?" Said Shadowsan.  
"Hello shadowsan nice to see you too." Said Carmen.  
"What happened whith coffee, did I miss a fucking meeting with the coffee, you can get every other flavor except coffee flavored coffee." Shadowsan says as he passes out the others drinks.  
"They got mochaccino, frappuccino, cappuccino, rapccino, Al pacino, what the fuck!" He continued on his rant as he sets down some bags of supplies.  
"Www. what the fuck .com, I walked into a starbucks and I asked the kid behind the counter, "Give me a regular." "Regular what?" "Coffee." "What flavor?" "Coffee flavored coffee!" I'll stick that menu right up your ass kid!"  
"Shadowsan I think you old man is showing" Said Carmen.  
"Menu, coffee dosen't need a menu it needs a cup that's all it needs, maybe a saucer underneath the cup that's it. Been in dunkin donuts lately the last savory of coffee flavored coffee, it's gone forget about it, you walk in there there's people wearing berets, there writing poetry on computers, the kid behind the counter "would you like a coffee colada?", fuck no!  
"I think shadowsan forgot where from boston." Said Ivy.  
"Coffee colada what the hell's that about, when I was younger dunkin donuts had two things coffee and donuts and that was it."  
"You where young ones?" Said zack rhetorically.  
"You took the donut you dunked it in the coffee hence the fucking tidal of the place. All they had coffee and donuts nothing else, no ice no napkins no soda no salt no pepper no croissants. Walk in there now there's soup flying around people are eating finger sandwiches, they got the donut on display in a case like relics for a former "Here's what we used to serve, used to fry em up and serve em by the dozen back in the 70s."."  
"Should we stop him?" Asked Ivy.  
"Nah eventually he'll where himself out." Said Carmen.  
"And you can't smoke in any of these coffee places, can't smoke in starbucks, can't smoke in jo barn, can't smoke in dunkin, what the hell is this. I'm pretty sure coffee was invented by guys who where sitting around smoking anyway and just wanted to drink something that would let them stay up late and let them smoke fucking more. That's my theory, just ask me or columbo he'll back me up on this. Peter falk said shadowsan walked into a starbucks and shot twenty seven people, without any announcement what so ever."  
"Whose Peter falk?" Asked Zack.  
"No idea" Said carmen.  
"I actually gave the coffee up for awhile it reached that point with me, I said you know what I'm not going to have a heart attack in front of some eighteen year old haiku writing motherfucker in a starbucks it's just not going to happen. It be just my luck, herk, falls dead. "He just came in here and he was yelling at me about coffee flavored coffee what ever the hell that is, and then he called me a haiku writing motherfucker I'm glad he's dead I'm really am."."  
"You know sometimes I actually like haikus." Said Carmen.  
"So I gave it up in the morning I would suck down two cokes back to back to get that caffeine jolt. So today as I'm going to get your guys stuff and I see a seven eleven and it comes to me of course seven eleven I can get a cup of coffee flavored coffee in seven eleven what can be more basic than a seven god damn eleven. I walk in there sure enough two big aluminum containers like the old days, one of them is labelled decaf the other one has no label what would you think. I pore myself a nice big cup of coffee go up to the counter, go to pay for it, the guy behind the counter another eighteen year old kid, head shaved, both ears pierced, both nostrils pierced, both eyebrows fucking pierced, tattoos coming out the sleeves on both arms hes got baggy pants on they start at his knees and it's all underwear in between twenty seven inches what the fuck is that about."  
"You know I always thought about getting myself tattooed and pierced." Signed Mime bomb.  
"Really." Said Zack.  
"Yeah, and now I know to not tell shadowsan." Signed Mime bomb.  
"Explain it to me that's one of the most basic rules that we all know about the underwear goes inside the pants. I stand there looking at him and this is how he starts to talk to me "Yo man what's up, what's up." he's talking to me like a card carrying member of the wo tang clan."  
"Dose shadowsan know who the wo tang clan is?" Asked Zack.  
"Yeah I think he may have confiscated one of my cd's once." Said Carmen.  
"You know what you're not in the wo tang clan, we wouldn't even look at you for vile, you're in a seven eleven you're eighteen you don't know shit about shit and pull up your pants. So I pay for my coffee and I leave I get in car and I'm driving then all of a sudden I smell maple syrup in the car, I question did one of you spill maple syrup in the car, then I realized it's coming from my coffee someone spilled maple syrup in my coffee. I go back to seven eleven I go back to the seven goddamn eleven, walk in, put the cup on the counter, I go, "Yo yo yo yo yo yo, come here, come here. Somebody spilled maple syrup in my coffee." "No, that's the flavor of the month man. That's, uh, maple nut crunch." Maple nut crunch, okay? Maple nut fucking crunch. Are you gonna tell me that juan valdez is down in Bogota right now fielding a field full of maple nuts? I don't fucking think so! As a matter of fact, I bet my left maple nut that he's not! Pull up your pants!"  
"Is he ok?" Asked Ivy.  
"No, no, no let him get this out." Said Carmen.  
"My brother used to tell me when I was growing up, "shadow, why don't you wake up and smell the coffee." You know what, bro, I did, I smelled my fucking waffles, okay? Why don't you just throw all the breakfast stuff in my coffee? Yeah, put an egg in there, eggaccino, let's go, come on! How about some Cocoa Puffs, puffaccino. Yeah, goddamn it!"  
"He does know of folgers right?" Signed Mime bomb.*  
"Folgers?" Asked Shadowsan.  
"You know, the best part of waking up is folgers in your cup." Zack sang the jingle. "Here."

Zack went over a box that said non perishable food and pulled out a can of folgers breakfast blend. He goes back over and hands it to shadowsan.

"Ta ta, coffee flavored coffee." Said zack.

Shadowsan takes the can and looks at it questionably. He doesn't say a word as he takes it to there in progress kitchen.

"Well glad that settles that." Said Ivy.  
"Now that's over let's get to that upstairs." Said Carmen   
"Aye aye, captain." Said the three of them as they follow carmen upstairs for more cleaning.

The end.


End file.
